The last aspect of my personality that I would consider "holy-stically" developed would be the spiritual one... I've always had a strong aversion to rites and rituals... born Hindu in a moderately modern-conservative family, there have always been people who told me to sit in the puja room, bow my head and shut my eyes for a few moments before the seemingly-catastrophic exams... I always argued that it was I who was filling up sheet after sheet of logic, math or language, not a man/woman/deity from up-above-the-sky-so-high... the answer would always be the same "it's supposed to calm you down, give you fortitude, help you breathe easy... not to make you recall the answer of question # 14 faster"... so I would take deep breaths, shut my eyes tight and just let go... somehow it always helped release some of the stress present in my panicked mind and palpitating heart!
Fast forward to 2008, working-post-a-masters-degree, living life "fast-and-furious", running faster than the seconds to transform 24hr workdays into 34 and 48hr weekends into a whole lot more... squeezing the "life" out of my bitter-sweet-orangey life and savouring every tangy moment before it oxidizes with age! In the continuous process of getting where I want, how I want to at the most convenient time to me, several people from my past are left behind, strewn carelessly across the path traveled... hurt, maybe...ignored, for sure... some realize it and detest my very callousness... others are equally (if not more) unaware that our lives' orbits were spread at random right angles, intersecting, perhaps even co-inciding for a little while and eventually distancing away at varying speeds... friendships lost across distances, soured relationships, awkward relations with cousins, acquaintances whose faces ring a vague bell... so many equations of the past come crawling back in the rare moments of loneliness, some that leave me warm and fuzzy, rounded around the edges... others that are still sharp, edgy and prick my heart, mind and even my confused conscience!
"what goes around comes around" is a concept that freaks me out and at the same time pleases me tremendously... karma is a strong theme in Hindu religion, I've always believed in the religion of "doing good" as much as possible, rather than the merely mechanical agarbatti-lighting-sanskrit-chanting school of thought... some might seek salvation in these routine "cleansing" chores of the day... for me, the circle of karma is what keeps me going... it's as logical as the flow-chart diagram or the decision tree, only a lot more subjective... what's right and what's wrong depends on a multiplicity of factors and I'm no one to judge their weightage or relative importance... nevertheless it is extremely comforting to know that the guy who smashed my poor innocent lil car from the rear at the Asoka Hotel roundabout today would suffer adequate retribution, and I sure as hell (pun intended) hope that it happens sooner rather than later and I'm in the vicinity to witness it...
@_@
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the ghosts of the past...lets hope a few spare you
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