shut shop and move on...

52 out of the 59 people I meet on a regular basis are people I don't like/approve of/would want around me... out of the remaining 7, I can just about tolerate 4... and out of those 4, when I move on to the next phase of my life (school-college-MBA-work) or the next location of my life (Delhi-TN-Isb-TN-Ldh-Delhi-Shillong-Pune-Delhi) I know I'll keep in touch with only 2... It's strange that I can't wait to get onto the next logical step, to experience new feelings, to meet new people... yet I'm so awful at keeping in touch with old friends, acquaintances, and people with whom I shared few but fantastic memories... It's christmas day and I'm home, my closest friend isn't in the country (on vacation) and usually this day would be dedicated to decorating her tree, watching repeats on TV, smoking, baking the best shepherd's pie and cake (generously poured out rum) and generally bitching about how life doesn't change from one Xmas to the next (... or how MUCH it changes???!!!!)... now she's gone and I'm home wondering what to do with my whole day until I meet someone in the evening for dinner-and-daroo...

It's at times like these (when solitude gets to my mind) that I begin to wonder, where ARE the people with whom I spent the best years of my student life? Where ARE the girls I lived with, giggled with, shopped with, swore that we'd always be there for each other? where ARE my "crazy-huge-self-exploding" circle of friends and extended friends and friends of extended friends? maybe despite my self-proclaimed belief of being "social" or "an extrovert", deep down, I shudder to keep in touch with 57 of the 59 people I meet... I can't imagine going on a weekend trip with the pseudos I come across on a daily basis... perhaps my process of elimination is too stringent to qualify enough people in my "circle of trust"... perhaps if everyone qualified, the circle would transcend into a wire-mesh of chaos and escapism... I would never be able to handle them all, knowing very well that I disliked them so... or even felt indifferent towards their mere existence...

Do I push myself away from everyone because it's too much effort to keep in touch? Rarely do I call up my friends (birthdays)... it's usually a one-way process, based on their motivation to talk to me... I've lived in so many towns and cities, never stayed put for more than 3 years anywhere... it has rendered me flexible... too flexible to gain roots, I've gone with the flow so conveniently all through my life that now when I so desperately seek my bearings, I realize I've burnt most of my bridges by sheer indifference, turning my negligent back on people, just because my miniscule attention span didn't allow me to get too involved in my past! The nomadic way of life has made me just that... a nomad... set up shop, get the job done, shut shop and move on... don't ever look back, just keep on moving!