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Now is the transition... the time between "what's done is done" and "what am I getting myself into"... between the past n the future... this is where I stand today! All the horrible feelings about work have to be erased and I need to start afresh, with a clear mind and brimming optimism.... why don't I feel the optimism? It isn't like I sense impending doom because I KNOW I haven't made a wrong decision... yes, it's a plunge, and quite a risky one at that, but it's a measured risk...it's what I WANT to do... then why can't I relax now?

The umbilical cord from the old organization is not fully severed... I need to distance myself and utilize this time to work my thoughts out... get back to the relentless positivity, the enthusiasm and the fearless self-belief that it will be fantastic. That conquering confidence has been long submerged under the hesitation, under the disbelieving middle-aged, pot-bellied, amused glare, under the stereotypes that I forced myself to be boxed into... the confidence shimmered, shook and faded... how do I get it back? Perhaps it hasn't escaped yet, just hidden until positivity pries it out in the open again...

This is the first step in the what-I-want-to-do direction, fighting what fate sent my way & disregarding the comforts of my earlier way of life... I can't wait for it to begin, I can't wait for pride to emerge...