holi crap!

No... I harbour no ill-will towards this festival... in fact, I really enjoy all the madness that is acceptable at Holi... 'crap' just connotes what goes on in my head after a generous dosage of alcohol/bhaang/excessive beer flowing down from my multi-coloured hair while playing Holi!

Holi is the day for colors and water and lots of sunshine and the oldest clothes that you NEVER built up the courage to throw away just yet and tons of gunk (mud-slush-eggs-beer-some unidentifiable black stuff) and a whole lotta intoxicants to ensure you lose all inhibitions and let your ugly side rule... just FYI, the prettier you look at Holi, the less fun you are assumed to be having... the level of cleanliness that shines through when you walk down is directly proportional to how many people attack you at once with whatever liquid-powder-colour-thing that they can get hold of... it's a lot like a reverse-makeover... I like to leave home looking icky enough so people usually lose interest since there isn't much scope for further "improvements"...

The best things about Holi:
~ Noone judges you by how you look or what you are wearing... most people can't even recognize who you are beneath the color-water-sand-mud-paint-ketchup-eggyolk-stuff... the only judgments that are made are how heavy you are so they can determine the number of keen volunteers that will be required to pick you up and throw you into the custom-made slush on the side of the road!
~Alcohol is aplenty... everywhere you go and it's always got an inconspicuous lil pink powder floating about at the top... adds a dash of colour to the beer, you know! Bhaang is passed around to the unsuspecting amateurs and the guys-who've-had-it-every-year-since-they-were-twelve! Everyone's a little buzzed from the cocktail of gunk, the intoxicants, the rushes of adrenaline and the overexposure to the sun... it's a happy-happy day for all involved
~The food is always fantastic, there is always the super-yummy puris and chana, gujiya and sweets and other such heavy-oily stuff that you can shove down your throat while chasing people with buckets of water!
~There will never be a better excuse to throw off that horribly shapeless ridiculously childish tee that the Lakshmi aunties of the world gift you when they come visiting after a whole decade!
~It's a day off from work!!!! ... you get to nap in the afternoon...after all the frantic morning madness and the heavy festive lunch
~ Strangely enough, after the all the showering and scrubbing off and shampooing and soaping and 'loofah'ing your hair shines better from the egg-and-beer conditioner and your skin glows from all that exfoliating
~The streaks of color that remain at random parts of you (for me it's my scalp) for another week, reminding you of the crazy time you had
~Everything is forgiven in Holi, starting from the horrible fashion sense to the bitterness shared between people... everything's good and bright and colorful... and perhaps even a little off-centre and disorienting depending on what you've been consuming!